Superbloom Secrets for the Neurodivergent & Those Who Love Them with Chels Luxford

Join Chloe and registered psychotherapist Chelsea (Chels) Luxford for an honest, hope-filled conversation about superblooming with ADHD in a neurotypical world. 

They explore why "we all have a bit of ADHD" is harmful, how to work with (not against) your natural energy patterns, and what true neurodivergent acceptance looks like. 

If you've ever suspected you might have ADHD, love someone who does, or simply want to understand how to create more inclusive spaces, this episode offers wisdom, validation, and practical strategies for true superbloom living.

Key points:

• Why ADHD isn't something that needs "fixing" - it's about creating supportive environments.
• How to respond with curiosity instead of dismissal when someone shares their neurodivergent experience.
• Practical strategies for working with ADHD energy patterns rather than forcing neurotypical approaches.
• The importance of flexible self-care that honours your need for novelty and choice.

Connect with Chels:
Instagram here & here
Website  

Resources Mentioned:
Yellow Ladybugs - Support and resources for neurodivergent people
I Am Paying Attention Instagram - Self-report tools and assessment preparation materials.

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Transcript

Chloe: 0:04

We are back with another absolutely delicious episode for you on the podcast today, and I have the beautiful Chel Luxford with me. We are talking all things super bloom secrets for the neurodivergent and those who love them, particularly in the context of A DHD. Now, before we dive into today's episode, I wanna share a little bit more with you about Chels and her work. So let me do that and then we can dive straight on in. Now, Chel is a registered psychotherapist and founder of Solstice Therapy, a space that Chel has poured her absolute heart into creating. Her work is grounded in deep compassion and a belief that we all carry the capacity to heal, especially when we are supported to come home to ourselves. She works with clients of all ages to move beyond surface level insight and into embodied understanding using a range of modalities, particularly internal family systems, which you may have heard referred to as IFS. Supporting people to gently explore their inner landscapes, reconnect with their bodies, and cultivate a more compassionate relationship with all parts of themselves. At the core of her practice is a respect for the wisdom that already exist within each person. Whether someone arrives in therapy, feeling overwhelmed, shut down, or unsure where to start, her role is to walk alongside them as they move closer to their own clarity, courage, and connection. But let's dive in to today's episode. Let's kick off with your human design energy type to give everyone a little bit of an insight into your beautiful energy. From that perspective, what is your energy type in human design?

Chelsea: 1:48

I am a manifesting generator, and what I understand of that is that I, yeah, I can generate so many ideas. I bring so many ideas to the table, and as we were just saying in the context of this conversation, it's really interesting because there's someone who is on the road to potentially getting a diagnosis of A DHD that kind of fits all together as well.

Chloe: 2:11

There is definitely crossovers in a lot of ways, and it's not to say that every manifesting generator has a DHD, it is just that we can find resonance and crossover and you know how it relates to us, and I think that's really beautiful. So thank you for sharing that with us, and I'm excited for your manifesting generator energy to guide us through this conversation. Thanks. We've had conversations in the Instagram dms already prior to us coming here and recording this conversation. Something that came up in the Instagram DMS that I really thought would be powerful to start with is the phrase that we hear a lot and some people listening, they might have said it themselves without any bad intent, but it's this phrase of, don't we all have a bit of a DHD or someone may be confiding in them. And then the response being, well, I think we all have a bit of A DHD. I really would love to dive into how might these comments in comparisons affect those who do have a DHD, whether that be diagnosed or not diagnosed, and what are the things we need to keep in mind centering around this kind of conversation?

Chelsea: 3:12

Yeah, it's a great question and it's something that you hear a lot with other diagnoses as well, but particularly with the current discourses happening around A DHD in Australia at the moment, I think we really need to look at how just stressing. Is this for a person? How much cognitive effort does it take for them to exist in the world that essentially wasn't designed for people with differently wide brains or different neurotype? So I do hear that a lot. And the way I also describe autism spectrum disorder as well, which I actually don't, I just in the word disorder, but that's just how it's ified, is that it's like a dial on an oven. So you might have, well,'cause A DHD stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. So you have the inattentive part and the attention deficit part. So you might zone out at work, for example, but the knob on your oven. And I'm using my hands a lot when we're talking. You guys can't see that. But when that is, say, halfway for a person and their inattention is at half point, that's probably leaning more into the diagnostic aspect of A DHD. Whereas someone who doesn't actually have a diagnosis and potentially isn't living with it, but resonates with that, theirs might be just a little, it's, it's dialed up a little bit, but then it goes back. It's able to, it's how much that is on. And I think that we don't always recognize, and you don't, you'll never, always see how someone's life is internally, what their internal world is, what's happening in their internal world. So you might see someone presenting as, and this is actually some conversation that was happening on national TV recently, that you might see someone who's presenting as successful in your own terms, but you don't know. The struggle, it might've ensued in them getting up that morning and remembering to grab their car keys and all of those. And that's an example that I think a lot of people will listen to and like, oh, I forget my car keys too. But sometimes it's is that every single day is that you put them in your bag and then you drive back to your house and to grab them because you can't remember that you've actually put them in your bag and then you spend an hour trying to find them and you're late for work. So there's a lot more to it than just what you might hear someone share. And on that too, not everyone's going to share their whole story with you. So like you said, to connect with other people, they might share that they forgot something, and you might hear that and you're like, oh, I forget things too. But they're not sharing a full extent. They're not sharing how debilitating that I being for them. There's also the fact that A DHD to be diagnosed. Needs to be present before age 12. But what happens is a lot of, particularly women and girls go in Misdiagnose for a lot of their life. So when you go back and look at their history and their development, it's pretty easy to see that actually, yeah, this has been present for a long time and it hasn't just been something that's just come out in adulthood. It's when the pressure is having a job and moving through adolescence, the pressure of school. If you're at school, the ability to mask and hide the struggle becomes more and more difficult. So I think it's not that everyone lives with A DHD, you'll definitely resonate with pieces and parts of the A DHD experience, but it might not be debilitating. It's just annoying for you.

Chloe: 7:02

It's sparked so many other thoughts in my brain as well, and I mean, I think it's just really important to differentiate that there is those who have a DHD and maybe who are diagnosed or those who aren't yet, and that doesn't make them any less invalid. They're experience any less invalid. It's just important to remember that like you say, there is, for those with A DHD, it's a completely different experience, so to say, don't we all have a bit of A DHD? Well, the answer is no, we don't, and it's really important to separate that and recognize that. I mean it anyone with A DHD, it doesn't make you any less like worthy or successful or anything. It just comes with its own set of challenges because you are. Born into a world that isn't set up for you to thrive, right? You have to really create your own map and in many cases, fight for your own path to be there to thrive. So I think it's a statement that I would love to hear a lot less of personally, and I think there is so many other ways that we could approach that. And I mean, I think to give maybe a tangible example of how it could look a little bit different, could be helpful. And the way that I tend to think about it, and I would love your insight as well, is if someone is sharing with you challenges around A DHD, whether they are diagnosed or whether they are just suspicious, maybe that they do have a DHD and they're sharing something with you instead of passing it off as, don't we all have a bit of a DHD? Maybe it's being more curious. Maybe it's like, how does that make you feel? Or is there anything I can do to support you?

Chelsea: 8:38

Well, just that sounds hard. Like just say that sounds hard. That's tricky. That's difficult. You don't have to be.'cause I think that's the thing. A lot of people have so many different perspectives and their own beliefs around mental health, just in general. So I think when someone's sharing their suspicions or they're not sure, it's not a time for you to shut that down or to not, uh, you don't even have to take it on board. It's not vagina, say, you don't have to agree with it, but just acknowledging and validating that's their experience and that's their journey that they're on. And it's very likely that they will go on to get assessments. We do know that. Especially in adulthood self-diagnosis, that's a whole we could getting into, it has some validity because when you're doing assessments, a lot of it is based on self-report. What is missing is the clinical assessment and evaluation from a professional who has trained and worked with lots of other people. But it doesn't mean that just because you're working with a self-reported at present doesn't make it invalid or that you definitely don't. But you still, I guess, in that, in that limbo zone of do I, don't I? And I think if you can, if people are sharing that with you, if you, they've chosen you as a person that they obviously think is safe to share that with, it's just, well, yeah, that sounds like you're going through a lot at the moment. And yeah, like you said, let me know if there's anything I can do to support you. And even just saying like, I resonate with parts of what you're saying because I think what people are coming from, and I think you said this earlier, I was, they're trying to connect, they're trying to make you feel better. We often hear, I think that's probably 70% of that comment is around, I just want you to feel normal. But what people who are exploring that diagnosis on that, they're on that path. They haven't felt normal most of their life. They've always felt a little, and this is coming from my experience in the work that I do as a therapist and just a general vibe of what I get from when I work with people who live with adhd is they like, something's not fitting here. I don't understand people, they don't understand me. A lot of the time they've been the naughty children. They're at school, they've gotten in a lot of trouble. But really, and I also work in the school setting, so it's been awesome to see what's actually happening there. There's so, disability inclusion is a whole. Government department scheme that aims to improve young people's strengths of those living with various disorders and differently abled abilities. So yeah, when you're saying everyone has a bit of a DHD, they don't, yeah, you might resonate with it. And I think that's what the psychiatrist on the project was saying was he might resonate and relate to pieces of it, but I think he also really missed the mark on acknowledging the deeper experience of people who are living with A DHD.

Chloe: 11:42

Yeah, absolutely. And like we've said and repeat a couple of times, like we, we are human. We want to connect just sometimes that our avenue of connection just comes out a little bit skew. If so, we just need to maybe think about how, how we're saying these things and it's, yeah, it doesn't have to be crazy hard. It's really simple. So hopefully that was helpful for anyone, I think, who has been on the receiving end of that. And also if anyone's listening and identified themselves as they have done that, I mean, I don't want anyone to be hard on themselves because like we've said, this is not a, this is, you wanna connect, like most of the time this is just, you want people to feel normal, you want'em to feel okay. Like you don't want'em to feel like the odd ball. Like it's, and that's just the intention. So we, I don't want anyone to feel bad in hearing that. It's just this is maybe something we need to think about to Yeah. Make people feel good. Right. So when it comes to. Both work actually, there's something, there's a crossover with like the, a lot of the, something I've resonate with what you do and the way that I tend to language what the work that I do is this bringing people home to themselves, right? It's this returning home. It's this remembering of who we are, right before the world told us who we should be. And the way that I tend to, I mean, a lot of the language I use is around super blooming and living a full bloom life in whatever context that means for you, right? Everyone's super bloom is going to look different and I'd be curious. For you as someone who works with people you know who have a DHD and all in all sorts of different context across all sorts of different diagnoses and disabilities, what does the concept of Super Blue mean to you? I mean particularly in the context of A DHD, because obviously that's what we're centering this conversation around and why do you think framing that in that context is important as opposed to maybe someone who is neuro so neurotypical? Because we hear a lot about, we've had the conversation briefly about like positive mindset and that impact. I know that you've got thoughts around that.

Chelsea: 13:41

I could talk so around positivity and mindset we might get into a bit today. No, that's a beautiful question and I think. I, so I actually run groups around A DHD support for young people. I've only run it a couple of times. I, we actually restructure what a DHD means. So for example, A is actually alert and forgive me'cause I was meant to look, this stuff I've already gone on. But I will, um, I'll send it to you after and we can put it in the description about the acronym because like I said, I'm on my own pathway of diagnosis and my working memory isn't the best of times. So we just like to accept that. So, but yeah, we actually just essentially we're reframing what is a DHD and what does that mean for a person to remove it from the deficit base, but also not ignoring the fact that it is a deficit. It is a struggle. There is a lot of difficulty. For example, I see a lot of young people, their capacity to sit and pay attention in a classroom. Is almost zero to none. And that that impacts on their social relationship. It impacts on what they wanna do with their life. It impacts on how the things that you just need to know as a human in the way that our world is set up and they fall behind and they slip through the cracks and it does impact on your greater life. At the same time, I also see these people who are so creative and are not afraid to be like, Hey, I think that there's actually something wrong with that. I don't like, why can't we look at it this way? And there is so much strength, I think, and I think this is also a greater conversation that gets had that we actually need diversity. We need people whose minds think a little differently to the typical way. Again, not to say that isn't without struggles, but also I think it's important to acknowledge.'cause I think neurotypical people might be sitting here. I have struggles too, and I don't wanna invalidate that either. It's just a different brand of struggle. Yeah, it's a different flavor and you might, again, you might tap into that here and there in moments of your life, but it's not your whole life. And yeah, I think in the context of A DHD and how you can start looking at what your strengths are is my initial, like my intuitive response is to just take a breath, take a moment, take a pause and think about, sorry, my mom just rocked up and I think, I thought so interrupted. You should have thought I was doing something. Let me start again. So I was saying that my intuitive response is to take a pause because those living with A DHD, the mind is just do it the most. It's a never ending motor, and that's actually part of the diagnostic criteria in a sense of like you're as if run by a motor. So taking pause and looking at. What do I bring to the table? Because a lot of the time it's so easy to feel really stuck in like you're a burden in a sense that, especially if you have to have a adjustment at school or you need some more support at your workplace, there's a lot of stigma around asking for help. So I think looking at, yeah, I need these supports, but when I am supported, look at what I can do, look at what I can achieve, look at the things I can create, the things I can make, the energy that I bring to a space. Yeah, I was watching a, I think it was honestly a reel, so don't shoot the messenger, but I, there was someone just talking about phone, completely different organizational, how to set up a good workplace and she was talking about how you need a mixture of neurotic and, and. I wanna just say relaxed people, less IC people. Again, my brain's just decided to con out and doesn't know the words. But again, society needs, it needs all parts. It needs all pieces. So just, yeah, just not forgetting that you do actually have a place and you're important and valuable. I often think about, like

Chloe: 17:54

when you say that, I think about my experience in the world and in different communities and different groups, and the ones that I've found the most enriching, the most life-giving. The ones that I walk away from feeling like I one, either belong or two, either just feel like really. Like full, if that makes sense. Like just really like filled up basically in leaving is the spaces where there is such diversity. There is different like, like diversity in the way we show up, the way we express ourselves, our thoughts, our opinions, our strengths, our what Some might call weaknesses like that other people might view them as something so beautiful. Like I think there is so like something so beautiful about the differentiation, the us all not being the same. Like I always think about it in the context of wouldn't it be boring? Like can you imagine if we were all in this world and we were all the same? Like yeah, down to you. You could say that in any context, right? You could bring that same statement to any context. It's not even just about a DHD or neurodiversity. It would be so boring. So like remembering that there is such a, you still hold so many gifts, like it is not a detriment. To your, your place in the world, the fact that you have or may have a DH adhd. Yes. You have the challenges and it's important to recognize that and remember that your place in this world is still incredibly valid and it's not any less valid in that.

Chelsea: 19:33

Yeah, definitely. I think it's, it is quite easy to feel that way sometimes, and I speaking from probably more those who are late diagnosed and they've been managing it their whole life a little bit, but again, they felt like there's just something that's not clicking for them that it seems like everyone else is able to do. And for them it's really hard. Is that, oh, I just lost my thoughts. Wait, what did you say before that? I had a point to that. Yeah. That is how my brain works, everyone.

Chloe: 20:07

I think it's such a beautiful example though, because we are still having a quality conversation and sometimes yes. The brain just doesn't wanna get on board with that. That is okay.

Chelsea: 20:17

And it's like I'm chasing, like, I'm always chasing my thoughts. Like I, I get one and it presents to me and then I'm like, okay, that's a good one. And now I've gotta run after it. And if I don't get to it quick enough, it just goes. And sometimes it runs back around the track and other times it doesn't.

Chloe: 20:35

It makes me think about growing up, I don't know if you ever did it, but when you would forget something, you'd go back to the place that you first thought it. Like, if I thought, had a thought in the kitchen and then I was in the bathroom and I was going to tell like in the bedroom and I was gonna tell someone something and I'd forget, I'd be like, hang on. And I'd like run back to the kitchen and try and like pick it up, like grab it and then I'd go back.

Chelsea: 20:54

Yeah, I sometimes words, random words will trigger for no apparent reason. One that comes to mind is someone once was just listing off words to try and help me remember, and they said, banana. And I was like, oh this. And it was nothing to do with bananas, absolutely nothing. But it helps. So I know I was talking about, yeah, the late diagnosed experience and that kind of, I guess, yeah. What comes to mind is that kind of fuzzy space where you've been just trucking along. Okay, enough, but that difficulty is ever present. And when we look, I think I'm just linking it back to what we were talking about at the start, but that's what we are talking about, is that persistent

Chloe: 21:44

struggle. It never goes on holidays. It's always there. It's ever present there. Yeah. It doesn't

Chelsea: 21:48

make a break. Oh, actually that's what I was, that's what I was gonna, yeah, you can, like, you have those moments where you are all those bursts where you are like, oh, I'm managing everything and I'm doing all the things, but that doesn't last forever. And you, motherhood and pregnancy, you forget. You forget how difficult it was. And then so you pile on all these things and then eventually the it snaps, it breaks, and then you go into that space of trying to recuperate and recover and just that every day, every day, things that perhaps other people might just get up and do. Takes a lot of effort and that can be really draining.

Chloe: 22:31

Do you think that's wide true? I mean, there's obviously, and my next question was gonna be around how it presents. Like differently across the gender spectrum, because I know that has been a thing, especially in terms of people getting diagnosed, it being recognized, it being taken more seriously for certain genders over others. And it also, as you're talking, the question also comes into my mind of is that essentially also why we see high levels of burnout in the A DHD community? Because there is this sense of pulse wood that you've, all of a sudden you've got it worked out, you're good to go. Like it's not a thing for you anymore. You've solved the problem and you can just, like, you can go and live like a neurotypical and you'll be fine. Like, because I often find that even in my own research and my own high suspicions of my own A DHD, it has, there was a period of time where I was asking the question, am I just burnt out or is this a DHD? Because from what, from my own experience and from looking into things, it tends to, it tends to be a little bit of overlap sometimes in. The how A DHD shows up and also burnout. So I wonder whether too there can be that confusion for maybe there are neurotypical people who are just burnt out. Like, you don't have a DHD, you are just burnt out. But then, I mean, I guess I'm asking two different questions here.

Chelsea: 23:53

Yeah. So I think when you're talking about how it presents and across genders, we know that the literature has only very recently started including women and girls in the data. Yeah. Which I didn't know that when I was doing my psychology undergrads, I just was living under this assumption that all the information we were being taught and what I was learning applied to all genders and populations. Come to find out, only in the past couple of years, it's been brought to my attention that actually no, everything you learn is essentially just based on the experience of men and boys. Not that you guys aren't important, I, but that does leave a big gap. So. And that presents its issues in when women and girls are going for going through the process of diagnosis. There can be those stereotypes that even clinicians can hold. And it's really important that as people working with those, living with a DHD, whether you are diagnosing as a psychologist or a a psychotherapist like myself or an OT or a social worker, that you understand that it does present differently. So for boys, we see that it is a lot more of that externalized type activity. They still have the attention part at times as well, but for girls it is a lot more internalized. So that's where it's that overloading of thoughts and inability to move on to the next task because there's so much going on internally. But on the outside they might appear really calm and really collected and a lot of the time. Girls who are living with A DHD in schools will be described as the space cadet or the airy fairy or always off in the clouds because their minds are just no, their inability to focus that inattentive aspect. So I think that's really important for p and I think that we are really starting to understand that a lot more and that is talked about a lot more, which is really cool. And then to talk about the burnout aspect. Yeah, and that's where I think it is important to go if you can. Again, it is a privilege to be able to go again, assessment, probably wanna talk about that as well. Getting assessed is a lengthy process, but not, it shouldn't be a painful one if you find the right practitioner, but it is very costly as well. And so that's where self-diagnosis comes in because a lot of people who are living with A DHD actually don't have the luxury of going to pay two,$3,000 for an assessment when they're trying to think about how am I going to afford my groceries for the next week? And that becomes a big problem as well because then you have these people who are really struggling in their day to day life, but also trying to say, Hey guys, I think I am. This might be it. But they can't go and get the piece of paper that says it, and then it's like, well, your experience isn invalid. So I guess we really need to just make, I guess, clinical judgment, but just as humans and people just make an educated judgment around a, do I need to comment on that? Is it actually hurting me if this person is self-reported diagnosis? Obviously if you are an employer, it's gonna be different. If they're coming, gimme like, I need this support. But again, if you have a supported person. They're going to be able to engage better in their lives, so why wouldn't we want that? It just took us off on a little tangent, but the burnout out aspect. Oh, that's what I was saying, that it's important to, if you can get the diagnosis to rule that out, to be like, is this just, I'm overloaded? I'm burnt out, so my mind is not functioning as it should and has, and I think that's where it's important to go back to. Has this been present before? Has this shown up in my developmental periods of childhood and there's critical development times, or is this, but again, like I said, that's where you need someone who's really skilled in what they're doing, so it can pick it up because you might have been masking that and been holding it together, but now you've come into the workplace, maybe you've finally finished studying, you've got this corporate job and the pressure's on, and now everything's become unmanageable.

Chloe: 28:12

Yeah, I think like hearing you talk about that, that, I mean, and just to be completely open, that's, I didn't really start to suspect it of myself until I exited the workforce working for an employer and started to work for myself. And I went through this period of almost dem masking and really starting to see the patterns and associations and things like that. And then if I thought back to my schooling and just ways that I dealt with certain situations growing up and the challenges that I had and listening to other people's experiences, there was a lot of differentiation in that. And I think recognizing the reality that a lot of women do mask it, essentially. We get really good at masking it and really good at coping, essentially.

Chelsea: 28:57

Yeah. We are taught to internalize our emotional experience from day. I think that's shifting and changing with the way that Parenting's shifting and evolving too. And it's no criticism to anyone. It's just the way our society, particularly Western White Culture Society, which is, I actually, I didn't say I'm a cisgender white woman. Can you speak to that experience and if we talked about how people of color and our indigenous folk are included in this literature as well, there's hardly anything. There's a big gap there too. So I wanna acknowledge that as well. Again, that's a massive deficit. And if you look at how much, if you wanna talk about cost defiance, how much A DHD is essentially costing Australia. It is a lot. And it's because we have these gaps and we are not supporting people as they should be supported because we don't have the data and we haven't been paying attention

Chloe: 29:54

of all fees. I'm in the pond, there's a backlog. They've all gotta get through. So the numbers are gonna go up, the costs are gonna go up when you haven't been. Paying attention and the care hasn't been there, there's going to be a price for them to pay. And that is what it is, right? Like it's for people who need the care, who need the diagnosis or whatever that may look like. And I think it's really important, and I really do hope that it really shifts in the way that the inclusion is really across the board. It is not just for, like we say, us white, cisgendered women and men. Like I just, it needs to go far beyond that, like it really does. So thank you for bring that up.

Chelsea: 30:38

Yeah, and I think that's where it is frustrating taking your statements. Like there's too many, not everyone has a DHD'cause that's the another thing. Some people saying every, like I, everyone has a little bit of A DHD and then on the other side we have people saying, well, no, not everyone has a DHD. We need to be more regimented with. But the thing is, like I said, we've only been looking at. White men and boys for a majority of the time. So like you, you hit the nail on the head by saying that when you start including more people that need to be included, the numbers are gonna go up. So it's not that there is suddenly more, it's that we haven't been including so many people in our data and that's inevitably going to see a rise. So what we're actually seeing is people who should have been included from the start are finally getting the support they need.

Chloe: 31:27

I would love to bring a little bit of like really recognizing those with A DHD and supporting anyone who does have a DHD to really recognize their gifts and their strengths for what they are in, especially in a neurotypical world. So I'd be curious what your perspective is on what are the unique strengths and gifts that you commonly see. Within people, people with a DHD that go unrecognized in like a neurotypical world or maybe aren't recognized in that they are actually a gift and they are a strength, and if they were recognized that way, that it would actually breed a beautiful experience for everyone.

Chelsea: 32:07

Yeah. The first and like cool thing that comes to mind is they are fast thinkers. If it's something that they are interested in and that they really want to be involved in, the speed of the thoughts that are happening are a real asset. And you can think about back in, in a classroom when you're talking with friends, when you are, when you're looking for someone to bring a new idea or you're not sure how to execute something, they're a great person to go to and work with because again, they can look at things, especially those things that they're really interested in and just they'll, it'll be right there. Again, going back to the creativity that I see is amazing from all different things of art and even engineering is one, like they are tinkerers and makers and creators. And you see, you do see a lot of, again, this is just, this is a observation. It's not grounded data. It's just a personal observation that typically because they've been through school, they get labeled the bad naughty kid. They hate school, they don't like it, they can't sit there for ages. They end up exiting early and going into trades and things. And we need that. You need, we need those people to function as a society and they're deeply important and the way that their minds are wired, like you said, is really beautiful and it brings so much value to not just their immediate circles, but society as a whole.

Chloe: 33:33

I love all of those examples and I think they are. Really foundational to the way that we live and move throughout life. Like if we didn't have those things, we wouldn't live in a thriving ever evolving world. So I think it's, they're just such beautiful things to remember for sure. When I think about that, I guess in the contrast of that is I know a lot of people tend to, and I say I know because I hear the discourse about it, is that people can view a DHD as something to fix, right? Something that is a problem that needs fixing and we just need to get over it. It's something that, or it's not like, not something to like let it be an excuse for certain things or that sort of discourse I see happening quite a lot and it, it gets me because I don't view, and I never have viewed a DHD as something to fix. It's really just recognizing, like we said in the beginning, that. We have been born into a neurotypical world and not into a world that is formed to support us to thrive, like there isn't something to fix. I would be curious your perspective on that and how you think we can shift, or anyone who might think that, how we can, how they can shift that mindset or that perspective, or maybe give them a different way to look at it and think about it if they haven't already got that through what we've spoken about so far.

Chelsea: 35:04

Yeah. I think it just comes down to no matter what your neuro type is or how you're showing up in the world, it like we've been talking about throughout, it's just everyone has their strengths and f. For some people to be able to access their strengths, they need a little more than what other people would. So even if you take a DHD specifically outta the equation, and we do see that in schools a lot, like I said, with the disability and improvement scheme, that we are focusing on people's strengths and how to lift them up as opposed to what is your deficit and how do we, like you said, fix that for you because no matter who you speak to, they're flawed in a way.'cause we're all humans. So I think just if you wanna shift your mindset around how you're viewing, not just a DHD, but anyone who's living with mental health struggles or a diagnosis, or maybe they're right in the middle of the storm and they're really struggling, is to yeah, pull out their strengths and see what it is that, even if it's just one thing you can notice. A lot of the time people need that because when they are in the middle of the storm, they can't hold that. They don't always have access or they can't remember fully, really start believing that they don't have strength. And that is a lot of the work that I do, is ensuring that we are not just having a deficit focus, we are focusing on people's skills and what they're already good at in their lives.'cause there's always something

Chloe: 36:26

when it comes to managing energy for someone with A DHD, whether that be they're suspicious of having a DHD, whether they're newly diagnosed, whether they're on the path, what do you find are, I guess, the most common strategies to support them working with their natural energy patterns instead of trying to force themselves into functioning or like fighting against them because the energy patterns are so different, right? So I'd be curious how someone could work with them instead of fighting against them. So

Chelsea: 36:57

that's a great question. I think it'll be really different for every person, but one thing that comes to mind as an example is like say you try and clean up, okay. You try and clean your house and a lot of the time you will think that you need to, you've want the neurotypical way of you. You clean up one space and one room at a time. And I think a lot of it comes down to underbelly of shame and guilt in a sense of like, why can't I do it this way? Just do it the way you want. Go plotter around your true, do a little bit of everything all at once, and it's still better than nothing. That's why people get stuck, is they have these kind of mindsets and rules for themselves that have manifested through their experience of A DHD that I have to do it this way. And especially if you're looking at those who are living with Como Co, I can't comorbid. There we go. Comorbid diagnoses of A SD and A DHD is that. Then you've got the rigidity that comes in with that too. So just try it out. Just see what HA actually happens if you let yourself free of the shackles maybe. And yeah, please don't come for me if your house ends up more of a mess, but just trialing out and,'cause I think that's what a lot of people who are living with A DHD, they are trying to keep themselves boxed in and holding it all together to meet the standard. And we'll just see what happens when you let the walls down and it's okay to have 50 tabs open on your computer. That's all right. People will come and look at it and they'll say, I could never, well, you can. That's okay.'cause that's how your mind works, just to try things out the way that your mind is driving you to do them. And so that you can find out your strengths. Because I think that's part of it too, is that we've been taught this one way your whole life and. Just trying to keep the walls on that box steady and there take so much energy that you could be using in other ways to support yourself. So anything to make your life easier.

Chloe: 39:02

Absolutely. On. On the other side of, I guess, managing energy, there's also a lot of this talk around self-care, and I know self care for neurodivergent people can look very different to those without A DHD, and something that I see spoken about a lot is not getting on your phone first thing in the morning because it can get you in that hyper focus and all of a sudden, half your day's gone. Do you find there are certain ways to approach self-care and self-care, like maybe routines, like morning routines or evening rituals and things like that tend to be more supportive?

Chelsea: 39:39

Yeah, so I think for those living with A BHD or anyone who is. Doesn't like to be told what to do. Okay? People who really like to have control over their lives and don't like being told what to do, whether you're neurotypical or not, is having just a list of stuff, having a go-to compliment of things that you might like to do, and then you get to choose which ones. And particularly for those who are neurodivergent, you get sick of things physically as well need the novelty, particularly with A DHD. So you might have one week or two weeks, you have these few things that you go to that maybe it's a walk or you're gonna listen to meditation, you're gonna do coloring, and then you can change it up. So not having a lot of rigidity in your routine, so you have a bit of a skeleton, a bit of a guideline for yourself, but you have room to move and breathe. Particularly if you do also struggle with black and white thinking, there's that added pressure of when you're like, oh, well now I need to do my routine and, but I don't wanna do it today. And then you get stuck in that loop. So anywhere that you can release the pressure and just have options for yourself as opposed to having something really strict and rigid.

Chloe: 40:57

Yeah, beautiful. It's almost like in my brain, I think about maybe if you've got you, I don't know, you are working on your health, for example. And maybe if you're trying to think about it holistically, you've got physical health and emotional health and I don't know, spiritual health and maybe there's like five different things in each of those categories. And you pick something from each of those every day. Is that something, know, like a tangible, like doing it, something like that would be really helpful.

Chelsea: 41:23

Yeah. And I think even simplifying it down to even just one thing. Yeah. A lot of people, again, trying to fit into the new, like if you go into TikTok or Instagram, you see all these people with their morning routines and their five before five and the shedding and the this and the that, and you start to think, oh, well I, well I need to do that. You don't, everyone, okay, please. You don't need to do that for one. But even if you're just doing one thing just for you, one thing, that's a beautiful place to start and a way to start your day. And then if you wanna build and add more to that, you can. But I think the beauty of self, self-care is that it can be so simple. It can be your cup of tea in the morning and sitting in the sun. It can be a gentle walk just around your block. How even just getting up in the morning and brushing your teeth, that's self-care. So I think we need to, to reframe what self-care actually is and what it looks like. Dependent on where you're at in your journey. Yeah,

Chloe: 42:27

because I guess, I mean, when you say that, I think about it in the context of it's self care was never. Brought to light to be something that's performative. We are talking about care of self, right? Like we're talking about care of you and yourself. So it's like what do you need every day that you're probably gonna need something different and every moment you're probably gonna need something different. So, and maybe it is, like you say, just a cup of tea. Maybe it's putting your feet on the grass outside, three minutes and you're walking back inside and that's it. Done. It's like taking that pressure off, it being something. Performative and feeling like unless you do X, Y, Z in step 1, 2, 3, that it's not enough. As long as it's what you need, it's more than enough.

Chelsea: 43:10

Right. Yeah. And like I said, that will evolve over time and what you need will change. And as you feel like you can, I'm thinking right now of people who might have just got a diagnosis and they're like, where do I go from here? Again, just focusing on those foundations of, have I drank enough water today?'cause even doing that can be really hard. And just, yeah, going back to those basics, I think. And then you can add in the other things that just feel a face mask, for example. That might just be a fun thing and it feels like self-care, but it's not actually, it's more of a want than a need. Does that make sense?

Chloe: 43:41

Yeah, no, that definitely makes sense. It's a, it's one of those things that I think we could have a whole other conversation about, right? Yeah, I think so. My brain once again is going, let's go in all these directions. So many ideas. What I really love to talk about is. Around relationships and communication when it comes to the experience of A DHD, and I mean, there's so many places that we could go with it, but where I would love to explore is essentially, there's a few things, but let's start around like the misconceptions about A DHD and the barriers that can create in relationships or the barriers we might think it creates in relationships and what we can do in relationships, whether we be that person with A DHD, or we maybe have a partner who is neurotypical. What are sort of things we need to think about or can to consider to strengthen our relationships and have those beautiful relationships that. Are very available to us.

Chelsea: 44:42

I'm cautious to use the word hyper fixation because it is part of A DHD, but I do think it gets overused. But essentially that's what coming to mind when you're bringing that up is understanding as a person living with A DHD and wanting to be in a relationship with someone else is that you might wanna think about how you can not limit it, but just some awareness around what are your towels that you are really hyper fixated? Is it that you haven't actually got up for three hours and like you haven't had lunch and drink of water? And you might need to communicate that and have those open conversations with your partner about, Hey, I might need you to come in and just gimme a little tap on the shoulder. And, but also understanding on the other side. But that can be really frustrating'cause when you are, when the mind is set on that thing, there can be a lot of anger and frustration that comes about. So again, it's more talking about outside of those moments, what you're gonna do as a team. This is how our team is. This is my strengths, this is your strengths. And yeah, just saying, Hey, I am really interested in this thing right now. I'm gonna go spend a couple of hours and then let's do something else together. I think it just, yeah, it comes down to communication and awareness, and I think in healthy relationships it is about the capacity to receive, not criticism, but someone to be able to mirror back to you. Hey, I think that we need to work on this together, or,

Chloe: 46:08

it's really interesting the things that you've mentioned and the reflections I see in my own relationship. I mean, even to give an example of in the hyper fixation sets, I, we've been on quite a long fertility journey and I have read so many medical studies. My eyes have turned red sometimes. However, that's my heart fixation. I am fascinated with the human body and especially when going through something and having that resonance with it, that fascination just deepens. And so there's been times where my partner, she's been really curious about something for her own body, her own experience and or like myself and my own experience. And she's like, feel about like having a little look into that. And she knows when she says little look into that, there's nothing little about it. Like, yes. And then it, she just laughs because like maybe 24 hours later I'll come back to her and go, okay, so what happens is, and just give this complete class on whatever it is. And she just laughs. But she loves and appreciates it. And it's something that, I think it's just a good example, right, of what a healthy relationship can look like when you are, because she's, there's nothing a DHD about her, let me tell you that. It's when I, in that relationship and having that dynamic, how it can be nurtured and looked at as a strength and utilized. So she lets me go down my rabbit holes and I lean on her strengths that aren't mine and it's just creates a really beautiful, like equilibrium almost.

Chelsea: 47:38

Yeah. I love the term like borrow your brain. So living with a DH, ADHD struggle with executive dysfunction. So sometimes it's really, it's so good to have a someone who. Can access that part of their brain. So you can be like, Hey, here's this problem. I can't make any sense of this. What does your brain say about it? And then the neurotypical typically person will be able to offer you some support around that. And then, like you said, vice versa of just play again, comes to strength and playing to each other's strengths, but also acknowledging that with any relationship there's going to be struggles and difficulties. And it comes down to being able to. Talk about those things and work through it together.

Chloe: 48:19

I mean, we're all human at the end of the day, right? Yeah. You know, so yeah, communication. I mean, I said it in the last podcast interview that I just did. It's underrated. It's very underrated. It's, it is. Now, when it comes to, I mean this is relationships obviously in maybe more of a romantic or like a family dynamic. What about in the workplace and thinking about what workplace accommodations or like environmental adjustments that would be beneficial to think about or, and when I think about this, maybe it's that people aren't always aware of the things that are creating the challenge, like making the challenge worse for them. Or when I think about it, certain like sensory things or not having things, not being in the way that I process them, not being like my way, like what are the sort of environmental and workplace things, the adjustments you can see would be of benefit to consider or think about. Making for someone with a DHD?

Chelsea: 49:17

Yeah. Well, if I draw from the context of what I see in classrooms to start with is when you're making adjustments for one child, for example, it's actually usually gonna be a benefit to the whole class. So thinking about things and then obviously workplaces vary a lot. So it depends on the size of the workforce and if you're in an office or if you know out working out in the world. But thinking about things that would just be helpful for everybody. So people aren't feeling sled out as well. Some people might want specific adjustments for themselves, but a lot of the times, some people aren't comfortable with everyone knowing about what they're going through, but they still want the support. So one thing that comes to mind is lighting. That's a pretty easy one. I, yeah, I'm not a big light person by any means. Sometimes you obviously need it, but where possible and where it's feasible. Lower light, being able to have the opportunity to have breaks to get up and move. Again, working people's strengths. You could probably give someone with a D, well, living with a DHD, a lot of a few different tasks, and they might actually function really well by having more time to complete them, but being able to jump between them. For example, I know people who love to be able to go and brain dump. They have an idea, they need to walk and go and actually tell another person in their face what they're thinking and then they just move on with their day. So again, it comes down to communication and understanding the people you're working with. Obviously in workplaces is always going to be people you don't get along with necessarily. So finding those people who. Yeah, that you can connect with and that you feel will understand where you're coming from and acknowledging that everyone's on their own journey. It's just because someone doesn't understand doesn't mean that they're necessarily choosing not to understand. Some people perhaps, but you don't actually need every single person to understand you, to be able to be successful in your workplace.

Chloe: 51:09

That's such a beautiful reflection, and I think that just applies to so many things. So everyone take that. It's like you don't need the validation from everybody all the time. Like you are validated, your experience, who you are, what you are, all the things, right.

Chelsea: 51:26

And I get it though, because when you're being invalidated for a lot of your life or all of your life in lots of different settings, it can be really hard to not want that. And again, that's so human to want that, and it is a process and journey of. When you're saying coming back home to yourself of being able to tap into validating yourself, but it's also really normal to want external validation, I think.

Chloe: 51:50

Ah, yeah.

Chelsea: 51:50

That's a whole other conversation. Isn't. There's a lot of emphasis on, oh, you need to be this solo independent person that moves ethereal through ethereally through the world and never reacts to anything and know how to respond to everything perfectly and never once. External validation. It's like actually part of being a'cause humans, we're group people. We like to be in groups. We like to have a place and you're going to want that validation here. Yeah,

Chloe: 52:17

absolutely. It brings you back to the thought of how I was saying at the top of the episode, how boring if everyone was the same, how boring if everyone was, is put together. Ethereal person who never had a reaction to anything and never needed anything from anybody. Yeah, right. How boring. Yeah. And how's vibe? So sad. Yeah, definitely. Now we've had such a beautiful conversation and I would like to finish on a couple of like questions just to really anchor us into a beautiful space and ending this conversation. But first I wanna open it up to you. Is there anything we haven't touched on that feels really important to you too? Bring and add to this conversation.

Chelsea: 52:54

Good question. I guess just one thing, for anyone listening who does feel like maybe they've been living with A DHD is some resources or maybe their child or someone in their family? So Yellow Ladybugs is a really good resource and organization and I'm paying attention is an Instagram account, but there's, they actually have self-report booklets and PDFs you can buy, fill out and then take with you to the GP to just make that process more seamless. And also if you are living with a DHD, you probably already quite forgetful. And not just to the, I forgot my car keys a couple of times. Like, so having something written that you can take that's concrete you can refer back to, can be really helpful when you're trying to get across to someone. Yeah, your day-to-day struggles and what's really hard. Just the process of what that looks like. So you would be going to a gp, most likely letting them know this is where you're at, and then they will often give you a referral to a psychiatrist and a psychologist. And then when I fit into the picture is I am a counselor slash psychotherapist. So after you've had a diagnosis and you're looking for someone to support you and work with you around that, that's where I can also, or people who are in my field of counseling and psychotherapy can be of support to you.

Chloe: 54:14

Beautiful. Thank you for those resources and that breakdown of that little bit of a breakdown of the process. I'll make sure to put links to those in the show notes as well to Yeah, if anyone wants to look to those resources.'cause I think that's such a great example, like you say, of just even simple as having something with you when you go to the gp. So because sometimes I think when it's not in your face and of a present experience, it can be really easy to forget That is something really important. And to remember

Chelsea: 54:41

you go home, you're like, I forgot that one core thing that I really struggle with and I didn't say it and now they're not, they think that I may not live with it. So I think

Chloe: 54:51

I would love to know, and all this conversation there is, I think there was so much like. Hope in it while also recognizing that it is a challenge living with A DHD, and it's important not to disregard that. I would love to know what gives you hope about the future of neurodivergent acceptance and even celebration. Like yes, it is something that is challenge, but it's also there's elements of ourselves that are really worth being celebrated. Like I don't, yeah, it's this whole piece of just because you're living with A DHD, whether diagnosed or not, doesn't make you any less worthy, any less valuable, any less valid. It's just, yeah. What hope do you have for the way that things are changing?

Chelsea: 55:31

I think that, again, I can only speak from my little corner of the world, but from where I sit and that there is so much more acceptance and there is Annette, and it's so awesome to see the discourse that's happening. Despite the fact that some of it's unsupportive, but the fact that we are talking about it and there is being recognized. And before I jumped on, I was reading the Australasian, it's the aa, DPA, I can't remember what I was really, I'd practiced it because I was like, I'm gonna nail this. I'm gonna say this exactly right. I was gonna sound really good, but no, I've forgotten it. But they have released guidelines in 2022 with all these recommendations that have, they've taken all of this evidence, all of really well-skilled professionals to deliver a national guideline around supporting people living with A DHD. It is available, you can go and look at it. They've designed it for not just professionals, but families and people to be able to get a better understanding of how they can support themselves. And again, that process. So I do have a lot of hope that it's going to be seen as less of something again, that is a deficit and looking to people's strengths.

Chloe: 56:43

You're right. We're on the right path there. The things are happening, the research is widening, like where it's becoming a little bit more inclusive time by time, so I'm very excited myself as well. If you could share one message with anyone listening who is maybe suspicious that they have a DHD, maybe they are diagnosed, they're on the path, they're considering it, what would that be? Just

Chelsea: 57:09

trust yourself. Just trust yourself and that at the end of the day, it's your life. And don't ignore what the professionals are telling you, but also don't ignore yourself. And if you do have that suspicion, you have every right to go ahead and explore that. And I think just being comfortable with being in the gray, and just because you don't have an answer right this moment doesn't mean that your experience is invalid. And no matter what. The answer is either way, you're saying, I've been struggling with something and I need help. And I think that's really brave. So keep being brave.

Chloe: 57:48

I have one last question that I ask everybody, and I think it ties really beautifully into the piece of trusting yourself, and I would love to know whether it's a practice you have for yourself or a practice that you see to be supportive for those with A DHD in tapping into the intuition to anchoring into that self-trust, because I think they go handi hand. What might that be?

Chelsea: 58:13

There is a lot of distrust that happens as you move through the world that hasn't been designed for you. So just again, taking that pause when you notice that, when you're like, oh, is this right? And just taking a pause and backing yourself, be like, well, let's go ahead and see what happens if I am right.

Chloe: 58:30

There is so much power and so much that can come from that stillness. Just a moment just slowing down and just stopping and acknowledging. Right. It's your, like you say, there's a feeling there's been some sort of ping, whether wherever that's come from or your body or your brain is telling you that there might be something that's worth giving attention. So just, yeah, I think that's really beautiful.

Chelsea: 58:52

Which is so tricky for someone lives HD I'm talking like microsecond pores. That's all that your brain might need, but just really gently Yeah. Bringing that awareness. Yeah.

Chloe: 59:04

We don't need you to sit on a yoga man and take 10 deep, no. It could be like one deep breath and you're on your way. Like, yeah,

Chelsea: 59:10

exactly. Yeah,

Chloe: 59:12

absolutely. Beautiful. Well, thank you so much for your generosity and time and everything you shared today. It's been such a beautiful conversation. I'm really excited for my community and your community to hear, and I think there's so many nuggets in there and I really do trust that it'll be valuable for anyone on that journey home to themselves. So if anyone wants to connect with you, find you, where are they best to find you, and is there anything that you would love to share that you are working on or that's coming up or, yeah, how people can work with you.

Chelsea: 59:43

Yeah. Thank and thank you so much for having me. It's been so much fun. It's such a beautiful conversation. I, so you can find me on Insta. I live on Insta a lot of the time, so my practice is called Solace Therapy and I work with children age six and up. Everyone always asks me, what's your niche? I had some people come into my practice the other day. I said, oh, what's your niche? I say, I don't know. That's. I don't have one yet. I work with people from all walks of life and I do really thorough assessments to make sure I'm the right therapist for you. And if I am, then we go ahead. I also am starting to build my private practice coachee, call therapist co. So if you're a fellow therapist listening to this, particularly if you just started your practice and you're looking for some support, I'm Miguel.

Chloe: 1:00:31

Beautiful. I will link your Instagram in the show notes as well. So see people can find that really easily and connect with you.'cause I just think, yeah, you've got so much beautiful wisdom and magic to share and just your energy and the way that I can feel that you support people is just something really special. So thank you for the work you do. It's amazing.