Your Story, Your Timeline: Navigating Sharing from Integrity over Expectation

In today's episode of Intuitively High, we delve into the complexities of sharing personal stories and the often-unseen pressures that come with it. Inspired by my recent Instagram post about lessons learned from my ectopic pregnancy, we'll explore the common expectation to open up on someone else's timeline. 

This conversation is about reclaiming your narrative and the power of honouring your own unique journey. Whether you're navigating vulnerability, setting boundaries, or seeking a deeper understanding of your own story, this episode is for you.

Key Explorations:

• The Pressure of External Timelines: Why it's not your responsibility to meet others' expectations when sharing your story.
• The Illusion of Control: Understanding how the need to control others' reactions can manifest, and how to release that need.
• Honouring Your Unique Timeline: The importance of respecting your own pace and process, even when facing external pressure.
• Setting Boundaries with Grace: Practical tips for navigating pushback and communicating your needs clearly and confidently.
• Beyond Words: Discovering creative ways to express your story that resonate deeply with your true self

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Transcript

0:02

Welcome back to intuitively High. Today's conversation. I am. Curious how it lands to be real with you, because this is something that is. Both deeply personal and in many ways, something I know many of us can relate to. And I know that because of the response that I got after I shared a reflection on my Instagram stories recently. When sharing to my stories, a post about a lesson that had been gifted to me through the experience of my ectopic pregnancy now, In that moment, I felt like the weight of expectation that many of us face. Like, I really felt that and I thought. I need to bring. A more present, a more intentional conversation to this topic, because I think it's something that can have us feeling really stuck and sort of not know how to navigate such a tricky experience. You know, the pressure to share our stories when others think we should, rather than when we're genuinely ready to. And I mean, we've all been there, right. That feeling of vulnerability that, you know, the fact that it's meant to have a deadline, like vulnerability doesn't need to have a deadline. There's this story. And this rhetoric that I see play out, whether. You know, it's too soon that you've shared something or you've waited too long to share it. But what if we took a step back and gave ourselves permission to decide the timeline? What if we could reclaim our ownership. Of our own narrative and share it in a way that feels right for us as individuals and feels right in regards to our unique experience. Now in this episode, we will talk about the importance of honoring your own timeline when it comes to sharing your story and also how to navigate the pushback and the pressure that can come up along the way. As well as breaking down what it even means to share your story or the ways in which you can share your story. Because I think. For many of us, we feel we can feel like there's only one way to share and express our story. And when we can bring to awareness, the many different ways that we can do that. It can feel a lot more freeing in sharing our story. So let's start by naming the elephant in the room. The elephant being the expectations that we face when it comes to vulnerability. On social media, especially there's a certain reward system, right. For performing your pain or. Also performing your healing, right? It's. Things can get performative online. And for most people we can sniff right past it. You know, we can see through the, the guise of someone being truly ready. To share and, you know, in a place where their energy system and their story is ready to be shared. We, we can see when that's not the case and when it's sort of more performative. You know, we can see it in the way that likes comments and engagement, poor Ian, when someone shares something deeply personal and that sort of creates a drive for. This validation of sharing, you know, and because when we aren't in a space where we are vulnerable and we want to feel seen, and we want to feel heard. It can feel really enticing to share our story before we're ready. And sometimes we think we're ready and then we share it. We realized that we're not. So it's just something I want to really bring attention to before we dive any further, this idea of expectations around. Vulnerability and how, you know, we can get stuck in these reward systems for performing our vulnerability in order to meet someone else's expectations or needs. Now, of course, there's a shadow side to all of that reward system, right. Pressure to share before you're ready or to share in a way that meets others. Expectations is never going to serve you. I've experienced this firsthand many times. There were times when I. Felt that I was met with criticism for not opening up about something sooner. And also on the flip side, I've been told that I've shared things too soon and made people uncomfortable because I have shared my truth and my own story, which is my right to do. Too soon other people to be able to process. Now. It's can feel like a no win situation, right? This is often what feels like a, it doesn't feel like a win-win situation until we take back ownership of this experience. You know, you're trying to meet everyone. Else's expectations, trying to manage everyone else's responses and. It can be really exhausting. So I want to remind you of a very important truth. In all of this. Is that you are not responsible for managing how others feel about your story. You're not responsible for their response to your story. You are not responsible for. Anything that means. That you take yourself away from your own needs and your own story. You're just not responsible for their stuff. And I think this is something that we really need to give ourselves permission to really sink into this truth that you are not responsible for other people's experiences. And. With that. I want you to remember the mantra of my story. My timeline. Because the reality is no one is entitled to your story or the vulnerability that comes with sharing it. Not your friends, not your family, not your followers, not your community. No one is entitled to your story. Your story is yours and it is sacred to you. And there's power in remembering this, whether you choose to share your story. You know, weeks, months, or years after it happens or never at all is also fine. That is your choice and it always remains your choice. You may feel pressure to share it before you're ready or to keep it held inside when you are ready and you want to share it, you have the call to share it right. Choosing not to share is not the same as hiding. Sometimes silence is self preservation. Sometimes it's what's required for your healing. People might try and tell you that you're hiding because you're not sharing. And that's simply not the truth. Sure. There might be some instances where there is a sense of hiding. However, I think this can be really detrimental to fall into this belief and narrative that you're hiding. If you don't expose everything, if you don't share everything, it's, it can be really vulnerable. Now, if we think about the different ways and sort of what it means to share. Your story. It's important to remember that sharing your story. Doesn't always mean, you know, speaking out aloud to someone or telling those closest to you. Sometimes the most powerful way to express your truth is through other forms. And it's quite often art forms. This is why we connect to art so deeply. And you probably don't think about it a lot. You might consider yourself someone who really loves art. You also could not be the person who loves art. Right. We all benefit from art in some way. And through art, we are able to connect with each other. We're able to connect to story. And that's why you will find so many stories that are laced within different art. And for you, you know, like I say, sharing your story doesn't mean speaking it aloud to someone, it could be writing, it could be painting. It could be music, it could be dance. It could be. Pottery. it could be anything right. You get to express your story and share your story in the truest and most in integrity way for you. And I mean, I've found that expression of your story. It doesn't always need to be verbal, right? Sometimes it looks like writing in your journal. Sometimes it might look like writing a poem and sharing it with others, or maybe it is you've come across a poem that really resonates with your story and you share it online. Right. There are so many different ways. Other times it's through song, you know, you might write a song or you, there, there might be a song you connect to and you share it with someone like, maybe you can't find the words, share what you're going through, but you really want to share something. So you share that song and you share it in a way of, you know, saying that this is. The best that I can do right now. This is where I'm at. This is what I'm feeling. This song really depicts it really well. Now the thing is the form. Doesn't matter how you share your story. Doesn't matter. What does matter is that it feels right for you. The timing feels right. The way that you share, it feels right. Who you share it with feels right. That's all that truly matters. Now. When you express your story in a way. That feels really good for you. It can be so liberating. Like, you know, when you've gone through this period of challenge and then you feel called to share your story at some point or another, and. There can be a difference between what you feel after you share it. It can sometimes feel really liberating and it feels liberating when you do it in a way that's unique to you in a way that honors you and your story. It can also feel like a little bit of a. Hectic's like vulnerability hangover. And sometimes that's because you've shared it in a way that you felt like you had to, or that you should, or that was expected of you. So to share it in a way that's unique to you can feel really liberating because it allows you to release the weight of your story. Without needing immediate feedback It's a way to honor your truth without feeling like you need to manage others' responses. And in doing that, you honor your own needs first, which in scenarios like this is so, so important. So, if you're not ready to, you know, speak your truth to someone to share your story. And maybe that's never going to feel like the right thing for, you know, that there are so many ways that you can share that you can express. To really support yourself and your system and your energy field to process what it is that has created. This story for you. Now, whether it's for yourself or for the world to see. Remember that your truth is valid in whatever form you choose to give it and to share it. And that nobody else is entitled to. Deciding what that looks like. Now, one thing that I really want to speak into, and I feel like we can't really move on without talking about it is. Control now, one of the biggest lessons I've learned in. This space of sharing story and you know, right. Timing, right. Way everything is about control or rather the illusion of control. It's so tempting to believe that if you share your story in just the right way with just the right words, that you can control how others respond, but the truth is you cannot. You cannot control how others respond. What is, an uncomfortable truth when it comes to our attempts to control. Is that. It's actually a form of manipulation. This isn't to say that you are a manipulative person. Far from it, actually, most of the time, this behavior stems from a place of fear. Of care or the instinct to protect ourselves or others. We try to anticipate and shape how someone might feel or respond thinking it will shield us or them from discomfort, disappointment, conflict, abandonment, judgment, hurt. Whatever it might be. But here's the thing. When we engage in this subtle form of manipulation, we're not just attempting to control them and their experience and taking their experience away from them. We're also abandoning the parts of ourselves in the process that need to express themselves that need to be present. We're essentially abandoning ourselves. We prioritize. They're potential response. Over our truth and our needs. Which creates a disconnect from our own needs, boundaries and trust. And I mean, a disconnect from our story. Because your story is here to be shared in a certain way. Right. And you don't share it in that way and you create a disconnect essentially. So I want to offer you a reframe to remind yourself if you're ever feeling like. You're in a space where you feel responsible for someone else's experience, you feel responsible for how someone might respond or, you know, their, you know, their reaction. I want you to remember this. You don't need to control their response. Their feelings, reactions and interpretations. All of your story and your experience. Are there responsibility to navigate? Not yours. It's their responsibility to reconcile with whatever comes up for them. And by trusting yourself enough to honor your story and share it in your own time. You're choosing to release the illusion of control and lean so deeply into integrity that it will leave you feeling so supported. And it's from this place that you'll find that sense of safety in your story. And in yourself, you will feel empowered by your story. Not made small or like it is something you should be ashamed of. Right. Now, when it comes to trust, which is an important part of this whole thing. Is trust for me has been something that, you know, it took me a long time to get to a place of trusting myself. With my own story and, you know, When to share it, what my story even was too, because I think there's another piece to this where we, and this, I think comes into the readiness and the timing of sharing the story. Our story takes time to accumulate our story takes time to come together and. Over time. I think, especially if I think about this in the context of human design and authorities. Especially for those with an emotional authority, which is like 50% of the population, clarity comes over time. Your story, the clarity of your story and the essence of your story will come over time. So it's really important to give yourself that time and that's something I needed to do for myself. It took years of practice of trial and error and moments where I learnt the hard way. What happens when you prioritize others comfort over your own needs? For me, self-trust came from setting boundaries and not just with other people, also with myself. I stopped sharing from a place of guilt. Which the more I dove into my human design experiment. It was quite interesting because I found that my motivation. Within my human design chart was hope. And within the motivation in human design, there's also, what's called a transference in motivation. So. There's essentially like, Hope is my most aligned way to be motivated the energy that really is just deeply nourishing and motivates me in the right way. The transference is when I am motivated from an incorrect place for me. And that is guilt. So I remember I used to share my story. I used to share, you know, parts of my story from a place of guilt. And as I sort of worked throughout this process and stopped doing that, and then I realized that my motivation in human design was hope. My most aligned motivation was hope, and my misalignment was guilt. It really started to land for me because I could recognize. That. It was correct for me. I could recognize no, actually this does feel good when I do it from hope. You know, for example, the hope that it might help someone, the hope that it might give someone what they need in any given moment. Right. I stopped sharing my story or parts of my story, because I thought I owed it to people. Because I thought I owed them an explanation because I thought I needed to prove something. I stopped doing that. And I started asking myself. When I felt called to share whether it be my whole story or an element of it. I started to ask myself, am I sharing this? Because it feels right. Or because it feels expected of me. That simple question. It continues to anchor me back into sharing from a place of integrity over expectation. And it's one that I invite you to. You know, add to your own collection because when we are in a space of deciding on sharing our story, it's a vulnerable space. It's a space that is really easy to act from a place of expectation and should, and trying to. You know, keep the other comfortable, like we were talking about before. If you bring yourself back to this question of really defining, like, does this feel right for you? Or are you sharing it because you feel like it's expected of you in some way. Now this episode wouldn't be complete. It wouldn't be holistic without talking about navigating pushback. When it comes to sharing your story now. Of course when you honor. Your timeline. And your way of sharing. You're going to experience pushback in some way or another. And maybe not every time. However, I don't think we can go through life. In sharing our story and not be faced with some sense of pushback. Some people won't understand why you're not ready to share or why this is the perfect time. Or why you've shared it in one way and not another right. People will misunderstand. And that is okay. When I, when this happens, I remind myself that other people's responses are not my responsibility. And I mean, there's been a theme of this mantra throughout this whole episode, and this is a mantra I've had for quite a long time. And it's one that I utilize so often, and it is one that is. It's not to take away from my own sense of self responsibility. Like it's not a hall pass for me to be an asshole. Right. Like, I, I am responsible for my response and my experience. Other people are responsible for theirs now. It's not easy, especially when the criticism comes from people that you care about. I have had moments throughout my life where this has happened with people who I care a lot about. I remember a particular time when I was having a conversation with someone. In regards to my sexuality and in that conversation, they told me that. They thought I should keep it to myself, keep it to myself for a while longer when it was nothing, I was hiding. And, or, you know, keeping to myself. And I mean, anyone in that position or anyone with any sense of awareness? Knows that that is not the right thing to say in that moment in time when someone is sharing something that is important to them, when there's a conversation happening about, you know, something that's a big part of someone who someone is, or the way that they are, or, you know, whatever, it's just, it's not the right response for someone to turn around to me and say, I think you should keep it to yourself. It was essentially trying to shove me into a closet basically because they didn't want me to experience a certain thing. So this is the role reversal of the control, right? Now. They had said that. And while it wasn't right, I could see that it was coming from a place of fear. Fear that if I didn't keep it to myself, that I would be hurt. I would be abandoned. I would be judged, you know, something would happen. And they held that fear for me. And they didn't need to didn't matter. They did. Right. And that was a response that came from that place that was projected from that place of fear. And I recognize that. And. In that moment though. It was what I chose to do that really changed. Things moving forward. I, in that moment chose to stand in my power and standing my truth. I told this person that if someone doesn't respect me for my whole self, they do not get a single part of me. And I believed that with every cell of my being. I have had. Really experience interesting experiences with relationships and family dynamics growing up. And so I've been exposed to. You know, a number of different experiences and have had to make certain decisions in my life for my own needs and my own wellbeing. And I have done them and I've made those decisions and I continue to stand by those decisions with no guilt, no shame, because there is, there doesn't need to be any and. I reaffirmed this when I communicated that. You know, if someone doesn't respect me for my whole self, they don't get a single part of me. I reflected that, you know, the fact that I had released relationships in the past, that others told me that I shouldn't, because these people held a certain title in my life, which one of my favorite mantras when it comes to. You know, this whole thing is. Your title, isn't a whole pass for you to be an ass. So someone's title in your life. Doesn't give them reason to be an asshole basically is what that mantra is. And. It is one I've held for quite a long time and I still stand behind it because I think a lot of people can hide behind their titles and they can see them as a bit of a scapegoat that they don't have to. You know, Or like an excuse for them. They get excused from certain things or from doing the work or things like that because, you know, that's just the way they are and they are, they've got a certain title, right. So I communicated that, you know, I have had no issue in releasing relationships in the past that didn't show that respect, that weren't safe for me. And to this day, like I said, I don't regret a single one of those decisions because when I made those choices, I was honoring myself. I was honoring my needs and my safety, not the expectations that others had placed on me or what they wanted from me or what they thought I should do, because I also, wasn't trying to control. There. Experience of that, their discomfort. It wasn't my job to mitigate their discomfort. That came as a result of my decisions because of that. Was on them. Same thing when you share your story or if you choose not to share your story and that's the pushback. Remember that you are not responsible to mitigate or control their experience of that decision. Right. I've turned it into, I guess, a bit of a fun little mantra. So take that one with you. Their title is not a whole paths for them to be an ass. So don't let them be an ass. Now, I mean, that's a whole nother conversation itself. I probably could do a whole nother episode on that. However, I wanted to share it because, you know, it's it adds a little bit of tongue in cheek about something that is, can be quite heavy at times. And it just highlights. I think the importance of boundaries and respect, no matter what. Now, when you're met with pushback, you can hold compassion for someone else's feelings without compromising your own boundaries. And that's what I did in how I communicated. When I was met with you should hide your sexuality. I say that out loud and I just, yeah, I scratch my head. Cause that just seems so wild to me. The thing is that. You, like I said, you will be met with pushback. It's how you choose to respond to that pushback that will. Really impact your experiences. And I chose to, you know, communicate my truth while showing up in compassion. Like I knew that that was coming from a place of fear. So I had compassion for that fear. I wasn't, you know, being a Dick about it. When I said, you know, if someone doesn't respect me, they all of me. They don't get a piece of me. That's just, that's my truth. That is my standard. That is my values. And if someone can't meet me at that, then that's fine. That is okay. Like no judgment. You, you go do you and I will do me. Like, it's simple as that. It doesn't have to be anymore, you know, convoluted. If you find yourself that you are in a place where you're being met with pushback. And you're not sure how to navigate it. Maybe someone is pushing for you to share your story. This is likely the most common thing. It's not often that people tell you that you shouldn't share things. People are very as humans. You know, we're driven for connection, right? We want information where we're curious in nature. So it's more likely that you will be met with pushback of you're not sharing enough. You're not sharing soon enough, right? If you find yourself stuck in any of those moments, I'm going to give you a couple of ways that you can respond. So. One of the things you can say, and we're going to keep it really simple. I'm not about overexplaining myself. I am. You know, I'm the kind of person who says no is a complete sentence. I stopped explaining myself a long time ago and it has been the best thing I've done for my mental health. So a couple of things that you can say or ways that you can respond when someone is pressing for information or pressing for you to share something, your story, anything. Is, I'm not ready to talk about that yet. Or that's not something I'm sharing right now. I will share when I'm ready. Or I am not in a place where I want to share that right now. And I appreciate you respecting that decision. Right. Clean clear doesn't need to be laced with. Any heightened emotions, it's simply you communicating your needs. And that you are not ready to share just yet, and maybe you won't ever be ready to share. And that is also okay. I think, like I said, we live in a world where as humans, we're sort of curious and we're driven for connection and we kind of just there's this expectation to that. A story is to be shared. Sometimes stories are just for us. And that is beautiful. That is okay. Now to wrap up today's conversation. I want to leave you with an invitation. This invitation is to take a moment to reflect on your relationship with your story, to reflect on your story as it stands. And. The approach that you take to sharing it. Have you been sharing because you want to, or because you feel like you should. Are there parts of your story you're holding back on? Not because you're not ready, but because you're afraid of what others might think. Right. And what would it feel like to reclaim your narrative, completely reclaim your story, to be able to tell it or not on your own terms, you get to decide what if you took back that power. Because it is. An option for you. It is your choice. Now remember. With all of that, with everything that I've shared today. Your story is. Yours. Nobody else's. Your story is yours to share in your time, in your way and only. When it feels as if it feels aligned and in the way that it feels aligned, no one else gets to decide that for you. I want to thank you for being here for today's episode and holding space for this conversation. If this episode resonated with you, I would love to hear your thoughts. Whether you leave a review or you want to send me a DM and open up a further conversation about it. On Instagram. I am. Very open to that. Or if you simply want to have your own quiet reflection, I invite you to do that as well. So I'm going to leave you with that. I trust that it has served you in the way that it is meant to, you know, I hope that it has there's that motivation piece, which many of my episodes come laced with the hope that it will serve you. It exactly the way it is meant to. So until next time, remember your story is yours and yours alone. And trust yourself in the timing of how it unfolds and if, and when you share it, because you always always know best.